Loving The Impossible

At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread, of course, is that we won’t stop loving them, even after they’re dead and gone. I still love you. And sometimes, my friend, the love that I have, and can’t give to you, crushes the breath from my chest. Sometimes, even now, my heart is drowning in a sorrow that has no stars without you, and no laughter, and no sleep.

BLUE

Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely

Where do you go when you're blue

Where do you go when you're lonely

I'll follow you.


Turns out I haven't truly let you go, it's hard to get over you. You make me cry a thousand way, laugh a million way, like all the sweet little things you whisper to me in the phone, like how much you tell me you miss me. I'm thinking of you too much lately.

Some days I cant the smell of you on my skin or the taste of you on my lips, but I don’t know why. Maybe it just makes me miss you too much, remembering being with you and knowing I can’t be with you right now. It makes me think of you leaving and I start to feel scared because I’ve never had to do this before, and if there’s anything I cant stand it’s missing someone. Alone in your room, when the suns gone down and it’s getting cold out, it really starts to hit you. It’s like a wave, a burst of reality crashing down on you. Every night it seems, I think too much, and everything I think about seems to make me miss you, or, if it isn’t you, it’s someone else that I shouldn’t be missing. So what do I do when the feeling wont fade, and I know I can’t see you for days? I wonder if I’m that strong, to ignore my lows and willing to wait for all my highs. It’s just so damn hard, when everything makes me think of you sometimes. The sun, and the way it passes through the trees, the water, the sand on my feet, the feel of the grass, the sounds of summer, even strangers walking down the street, everything brings me back to the memories I have of you. Then, no matter how hard I have scrubbed and washed and saturated myself with perfume and sweat, I can still smell you, still taste you.

Sink into despair

I was taught to fight

I was taught to win

I never thought I could fail.

I have fallen in too deep

though I saw it all around

never thought I could be affected

it is so strange the way things turn

got to walk out of here,

I can't take it anymore

DONT HURT HER, DONT CHANGE HER

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

Time has flown by and with my past lessons, hurt, love and disappointments I have finally learned to love myself...I control my sadness, my happiness and joy; I don't put up with nonsense, people or situations that are literally bringing me down or wasting my time. I love myself too much to allow anyone or situation to have that much control over me. Love thy self, and for others to have their own meaning in life

2nd week

was fine till i saw him standing on the corridoor this morning. Bad memories flash in again.

I Can't Carry On. Im Breathless.

Insecurities keep growing, wasted energies are flowing ,anger, pain and sadness beckon.Knowing you was a misfortune, letting you creeps into my life was a huge mistake, allowed you wandering in my mind was a disaster. But when it comes to you, I can't decide.You're tainted, I'm shaking.It breaks my heart to see you cry, the reason why I run and hide, it's the only way I'll stay alive.

I hope time could turn, hope you could turn and turn round,tide's changing, time's flowing, whatever is done, is done. It's too late to change. Words engrave deep within, leaving an infinite marking. I know you cant see, I look strong altogether, thou inside Im as fragile as glass.Still I bleed, still I wait to heal a wound. What I need are more bandages.You've succeeded in creating misery in my life. Why won't you quit?Why you gotta go and do me like that?Why you gotta hide the truth?Why you gotta go and play me like that?Why you have to act a fool?

I deserve a bullet in my chest, I don't care as long as this ache stops, the disturbance and whisper in my head end. I've gotta stop my mind.It's driving me insane. It will not let me live. Always so negative.One minute I am fine,the next I've lost my mind.I need to take control of my mind and it isn't listening to me.

Hurt

Gonna break down and cry any minute. Nö One will know. Very disapointed in you, unexpected words Stab me. Trying hard to pretend I never heard those words from you. Tired in pleasing you.What more you want from me? I'm not in the position of giving right now. Why is he unlike other guy? Staying Away and stand back, afraid of getting hurt.

Discontented and rather dissapointed with the outcome. Should I give it a try again?

Hate that lady!! I sigh them, so I received them!! My patience has a limit too ok!! I don't wanna argue and elude you cause I respect you as an elderly, this doesn't give you the right to cross the fine line. Saying my dad unreasonable, you're the one that's unreasonable accusing my dad of trespassing your property. Uneducated, uncivilized, unreasonable, disrespectful, loutish,uncouth.

D-DAY

A Pessimist would say: D-Day this coming saturday, 4 months of hell, curfew till the end of STPM.

An optimist would tell: Live today, Pay later. Enjoy your last week of freedom.

Play Wise, Play Fool to achieve your Goal

Came across this article in The Economic Times Mag.

There once lived a great mathematician in a village outside Ujjain. He was often called by the local king to advice on matters related to the economy. His reputation had spread as far as Taxila in the North and Kanchi in the South. So it hurt him very much when the village headman told him, "You may be a great mathematician who advises the king on economic matters but your son does not know the value of gold or silver."

The mathematician called his son and asked, "What is more valuable - gold or silver?" "Gold," said the son. "That is correct. Why is it then that the village headman makes fun of you, claims you do not know the value of gold or silver? He teases me every day. He mocks me before other village elders as a father who neglects his son. This hurts me. I feel everyone in the village is laughing behind my back because you do not know what is more valuable, gold or silver. Explain this to me, son."

So the son of the mathematician told his father the reason why the village headman carried this impression. "Every day on my way to school, the village headman calls me to his house. There, in front of all village elders, he holds out a silver coin in one hand and a gold coin in other. He asks me to pick up the more valuable coin. I pick the silver coin. He laughs, the elders jeer, everyone makes fun of me. And then I go to school. This happens every day. That is why they tell you I do not know the value of gold or silver."

The father was confused. His son knew the value of gold and silver, and yet when asked to choose between a gold coin and silver coin always picked the silver coin. "Why don't you pick up the gold coin?" he asked. In response, the son took the father to his room and showed him a box. In the box were at least a hundred silver coins. Turning to his father, the mathematician's son said, "The day I pick up the gold coin the game will stop. They will stop having fun and I will stop making money."

The bottom line is,

Sometimes in life, we have to play the fool because our seniors and our peers, and sometimes even our juniors like it. That does not mean we lose in the game of life. It just means allowing others to win in one arena of the game, while we win in the other arena of the game. We have to choose which arena matters to us and which arenas do not. Ponder upon it.